It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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