so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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