You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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