it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
