I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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