What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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