Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
