Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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