Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
