Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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