yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
