I didn't shave. On purpose
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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