Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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