We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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