Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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