Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you win again, gameday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
