Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
