Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
