I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
