he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
