ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
