omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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