getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
that may or may not have been my penis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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