I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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