Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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