Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
