No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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