i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
