So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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