I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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