I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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