so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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