Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
