Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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