im having a threesome with these popsicles
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
