i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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