did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
