Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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