this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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