Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
