While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
