Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
