We're facebook friends in real life
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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