apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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