ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
