I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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