So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
