It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
