i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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