I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
