I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
