piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
