i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
