Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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