i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
