dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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