so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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