i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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