I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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