I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
