I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
