she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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