Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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