I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This baby is an asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
