3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
