it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
