I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
