Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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