Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
