Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
