Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
