I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
