we have officially lost it.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
someone owes me an orgasm
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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